I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
they need to just BURY HIM!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
