So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
