the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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