I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
