well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize