My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Vodka?
Forever.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
