and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
