Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
