Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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