I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You are a genius and a whore.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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