If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
