Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
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