I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
