32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
