I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
