Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
A bitchslap is in order.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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