I think i peed on brittanys purse
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
