Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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