Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
