think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
