Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
