I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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