I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
