And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
