just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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