I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
