I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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