Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
