I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
