direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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