what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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