Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
