my vag is so smooth its legendary
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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