epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
