I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
