i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
please come you make the beer taste better
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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