im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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