Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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