I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
