Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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