First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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