so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
