So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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