thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize