i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
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