I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize