You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
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It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
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