I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
