Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
