afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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