If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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