I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
