I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
