At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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