Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
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Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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