Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
