I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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