Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
