Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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