Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
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i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
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I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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