I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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