He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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