i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
